Hilarious holiday jokes-A belly full of laughter!!
I must warn you some of these jokes are rated-R. 🙂 🙂 🙂
On Thanksgiving day, a little boy overhears his mom and dad fighting. He hears his mom call his dad a bastard and hears his dad call his mom a bitch. He asks, “Mommy, what does bastard mean?” She answers, “Um, it means boy.” Then he asks, “Daddy, what does bitch mean?” He says, “Uh, it means girl.” Later that day, the boy sees his father in the bathroom shaving; the dad accidentally cuts himself and says, “Sh*t.” The son asks, “What does that mean?” The dad says, “It means shaving cream.” Then he sees his mom in the kitchen carving the turkey; she accidentally cuts herself and says, “F*ck.” The son asks her what that word means and she says, “It means carving.” That evening, the family’s guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. The son opens the door to welcome them and says, “Welcome bitches and bastards! My dad is in the bathroom rubbing sh*t on his face and my mom is in the kitchen f*cking the turkey.”
Q: Why isn’t the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving?
A: Because he’s already stuffed!
Q: Why did the turkey escape Thanksgiving ?
A: Because he wanted to see Christmas!
A man was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
“No, ma’am. They’re dead.”
A man in Wyoming, in his 90s, calls his son in New York on the 19th of November.
The father says to the son, “I hate to tell you, but we’ve got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can’t stand each other anymore, and we’re getting a divorce. I’ve had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I’m telling you now, so you and your sister wouldn’t be surprise later when I move out.”
He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister and tells her the news.
The sister says, “I’ll handle this.”
She calls her dad!
she says to her father, “Don’t do ANYTHING till we get there! We’ll be there in two days!”
The father agrees, “All right.”
The old man hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?”
Q: What kind of key can’t open a door?
A: A turkey!
Happy Thanksgiving) Please DO NOT (F*ck) the turkey!
It was Christmas Eve. A woman came home to her husband after a day of busy shopping. Later on that night when she was getting undressed for bed, he noticed a mark on the inside of her leg. “What is that?” he asked. She said, “I visited the tattoo parlor today. On the inside of one leg I had them tattoo ‘Merry Christmas,’ and on the inside of the other one they tattooed ‘Happy New Year.'” Perplexed, he asked, “Why did you do that?” “Well,” she replied, “now you can’t complain that there’s never anything to eat between Christmas and New Years!” How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: “Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas.” Santa writes back, “Dear Timmy send me your mommy.”
Mother: “Sweetie, make a Christmas wish.”
Girl: “I wish that Santa will send some clothes to those naked girls in papa’s computer.”
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A: Santa stops after three hos!
What was the special item that was ordered by the snowman at MacDonald’s?
Answer: Icebergers with chili sauce!
I was trolling/scrolling through social media and I saw that Donald Trump’s twitter account was deactivated. oops!
So you know already know what that means….right? Trending news!
Right now the trending hashtag is on twitter.com is #howtobepopularin4words
which leads me to ……………………
“President Donald Trump’s twitter was deactivated..it was only for 11 minutes, but I was having a field day!! my pom- pom was out and I was cheering!!!! Who wouldn’t?
That ‘s 11 minutes that he could spend doing something constructive other then tweeting!!! So, for that reason this is…DA JOKE OF DA DAY!!
And…… I know that 11 minutes was spend calling the president of twitter ranting!
“How dare you to have deleted my twitter account!”
“You are FIRED!” 🙂 🙂
Since that’s trending all over social media I decided to do my own Q & A here!
I need your participation with this one, I will ask a question.
I will give first answer to kick start the game.
Than you will reply “A:” with your answer in the comment…. Got it?
it can be anything…so have fun!
Are you ready to play???
Q: To be popular in 4 words?
A: Learn how to cook!
(that was what I tweeted… you can learn how to cook from fall recipe ideas
Hottly Led Christmas Light Projector - 2017 Newest Version Bright Led Landscape Spotlight with 16 Slides Dynamic Lighting Landscape Led Projector Light Show for Halloween, Party, Holiday Decoration
Holiday Wonderland 100-Count Clear Christmas Light Set
code>Set of 6 Turkey Tea Light Candleholders
42 Inches Cute Airblown Inflatable Blow up Air Blown Lighted Happy Turkey Gobble Pilgrim Thanksgiving Festive Yard Decor Display Autumn Fall Lights Outdoor Decoration by KNL Store (1)
Thank you for reading A belly Full of Laughter I do hope you enjoy these jokes as much as enjoy sharing them with you!
Please, if you have any jokes that you would like me to share, contact me via email.